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I thought this smart water bottle would help me stay hydrated, but instead, it's turned into my personal hydration critic. It passive-aggressively reminds me to drink water with snarky messages like 'Still thirsty? I noticed.' and 'Water you waiting for?'
$49.99
Sarah K.
This toaster was supposed to make breakfast smarter, but now it burns philosophical quotes into my bread. I'm tired of eating Nietzsche for breakfast and having existential crises with my morning coffee.
$79.99
Mike R.
Bought this thinking it would be perfect for midnight bathroom trips. Now my bathroom looks like a nightclub and my roommate says the toilet is haunted. The glow is so bright it seeps under the door!
$15.99
Alex T.
Bought this 'revolutionary' mug that stirs itself. Now my coffee sounds like a tiny washing machine and splashes everywhere. Plus, it's impossible to explain the whirlpool in my coffee to coworkers without sounding crazy.
$34.99
My cat took one look at this giant hamster wheel and decided the box it came in was far more entertaining. Now I have a $200 modern art installation that my cat uses as a napping spot.
$199.99
This toothbrush connects to my phone to track my brushing habits. Now I get passive-aggressive notifications about my 'sub-optimal brushing angles' at 3 AM. My dentist loves the data though!
$89.99
Was promised a six-pack in two weeks. All I got was weird looks at the office when it started vibrating during meetings. Turns out, abs actually require exercise - who knew?
Because apparently slicing bananas with a regular knife was too challenging. This revolutionary device only works on perfectly straight bananas, which I've yet to find in nature.
$9.99
Bought this to keep my plants alive. Now my succulent has its own Instagram account and better WiFi connection than me. Still died because I forgot to change the batteries.
$45.99
Thought it would be a fun addition to my home office. Turns out, every video call sounds like I'm sitting on bubble wrap, and my cat's claws have turned it into a deflating disaster.
$24.99
My attempt at office mindfulness became a tiny cat litter box for my coworker's desk succulent. The rake is now used to stir coffee when we run out of stirrers.
$19.99
This smart pillow tracks sleep patterns and plays white noise. Unfortunately, it also judges my drooling habits and sends weekly reports about my 'suboptimal sleep posture.'
$129.99
Bought this 'innovative' workout gear that's basically a human-sized plastic bag. Great for cosplaying as a baked potato, terrible for public workouts.
$39.99
Because apparently regular cleaning wasn't good enough. Now my phone gets a spa treatment while I use hand sanitizer like a peasant.
$59.99
Bought this to tire out my dog. Now he just stares at it launching balls while looking at me with disappointment. Pretty sure he's questioning my role as a pet parent.
$149.99
An inflatable pool float shaped like an avocado. The pit is a removable beach ball. Looks cool on Instagram, but turns you into a spinning target for seagulls.
$29.99
Marketed as 'ninja-quiet' for night owls. So silent that I'm never sure if I actually pressed the keys. Spent a week writing gibberish before I realized.
Bought this for 'epic' vacation photos. Lost it on day one when it decided to chase a seagull into the sunset. At least the bird got its glamour shot.
$299.99
Thought I'd revolutionize my workout routine. Turns out, running in water is just slow-motion drowning with extra steps.
$1299.99
Bought this to make my cooking look fancier. Now everything tastes like metallic disappointment, but hey, at least it's shiny!
Thought I'd have my own Jarvis. Instead, I got a glitchy, see-through 'helper' that keeps suggesting I update my will.
$799.99
These clothes change color based on your mood. Great idea until you're radiating 'annoyed red' in an important meeting.
Bought this to spice up my comedy routine. Now I'm the proud owner of 1000 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' variations.
Thought it would add a touch of magic to my apartment. Now I have a floating reminder of my inability to keep plants alive.
Promised to change channels with my thoughts. Turns out, it just randomly switches to infomercials when I fall asleep.
Perfect for top-secret documents, they said. Great for saving paper, they said. Not so great for actually reading anything.
Thought I'd save time on IKEA builds. Now I have a sentient coffee table that keeps rearranging my living room.
$499.99
Promised to give me more time in the morning. Instead, it keeps waking me up in random historical eras. Not cool during the plague years.
$159.99
